A mailman is making his route. On his last day before retirement, he gets to one of the last houses when the lady of the house answers the door in a slinky negligee and says, “Today is your last day, isn\u2019t it? Come with me; I have a surprise for you.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She takes him by the hand and leads him into the house where he finds a complete breakfast feast laid out for him\u2014eggs, pancakes, bacon, the works. The mailman stuffs himself, pushes back from the table, and says, “Thank you ma\u2019am, this was wonderful, but I really should finish my route.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stops him and informs him there\u2019s more, then leads him into the bedroom where she proceeds to give him the best s*x he\u2019s ever had\u2014every position he can think of until he\u2019s about ready to pass out. Finally, they finish and he says, “Thank you ma\u2019am, this was amazing, but I really should finish my route.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She stops him and says, “I have one more thing for you,” and then reaches over to the nightstand, pulls out a crisp $5 bill, and hands it to him. Confused, the mailman says, “Ma\u2019am, the breakfast was amazing, the s*x was mind-blowing, but what is up with the five dollars?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The lady responds, “Well, my husband and I were watching TV last night when I said, ‘Hey, tomorrow is the mailman\u2019s last day, think we should do something?’ And he said, ‘Fuck \u2019em. Give him 5 bucks.’ But breakfast was my idea!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A mailman is making his route. On his last day before retirement, he gets to one of the last houses when the lady of the house answers the door in a slinky negligee and says, “Today is your last day, isn\u2019t it? Come with me; I have a surprise for you.” She takes him by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":498,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-funny-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=497"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":680,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/497\/revisions\/680"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/498"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/themodemuse.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}